I preferred the thorns to heartbreak.

The last man I dated seriously kept pushing for marriage. I told him over and over that I simply wasn’t ready for a lifetime commitment.

We had met in August and he proposed in October despite my repeatedly telling him I couldn’t rush into things.

So I said I couldn’t do it,

Couldn’t be engaged so soon.

He was angry but agreed to still date.

He was an associate minister and I would have LOVED being a pastor’s wife.

But that is not a reason to marry a man.

In December I ended it.

Incessant pressure to marry ruined it.

That and the fact that he accused me of forgetting my latina heritage by being around white people too long…

It didn’t hurt to end that relationship.

It was a relief.

But this one…

Since April I dated a person who opened the world for me simply by existing.

Beautiful beautiful soul.

He comforted me when Low.

I comforted him.

He taught me so many things about life.

❤️

This one I didn’t end. I don’t want it to end. But he’s hit a wall of sorts…

I told him,

“I’m either an anchor to you on this journey or a hot air balloon. I weigh you down or lift you up.”.

And he told me we’d talk about it later.

This one I could love for a lifetime, I think.

The flaws are there – this rose has thorns,

but you know that thorns never stopped people from buying roses.

Or planting them in their garden.

Watering.

Nurturing.

Shining sunshine of affection upon them.

Loving unconditionally.

I think he’s going to end things.

And it won’t be like the last relationship.

It won’t be a relief.

It will break my heart a little.

It will hurt more than the prick on my finger would have

from holding the stem of the rose.

– leah

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