Maybe, Just Maybe

Four years. 

At first I thought that my actions insured the consequence of my having to rely solely on myself to survive. I believed that getting a divorce meant God could (or would) not bless me, support me, or assist me, but then he caused things to fall into place (behind the scenes) when I would run into obstacles, enabling me to overcome and move forward.
Because of these occurrences, I adjusted my thinking to accept that God allowed the rain to fall on the just and the unjust – But there was something else. 

He was carrying me. 
I was blinded by pain and I knew it. 

I couldn’t see where I was going. I was stumbling on the path, yet He was there for those blind years, leading, guiding, showing me which way to turn when I came up against a wall. 
Little by little, God has continued to draw me closer, and I have learned that He still wants relationship with this broken woman, which blows me away. I’m still smudged with soot on the inside of me, like a fireplace chimney.

When I first found the Lord, my life changed dramatically. I wanted to do great things for Him, big big things, but I didn’t do great things at all, in fact, my life was something I was often ashamed of.

What if…

What if I, like Sarah, tried to make things happen in my own strength due to my own natural reasoning, instead of simply living and obeying God while allowing Him to do what He has always done,

Bring it to pass –
In His way

In His Time

By His Spirit.

Do I understand God’s grace spilling onto my life?

No, nor do I advise going through a divorce to learn about His unconditional love, and faithfulness,

But I marvel as He continues to call me even still.

It causes flickers of hope to ignite within my depths that maybe, just maybe, God’s original plan for my life will be realized just yet.

– leah

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My Pastor Said, “Timing”.

No matter how Broken You Are,
No matter how low you feel,
No matter how blind you are,
I promise
The God of Heaven sees you.

On the way home I was thinking about when the disciples asked Jesus why a certain man was blind.
It was on my mind because of a conversation I had with my pastor a few weeks ago.

I asked for five minutes.
He gave me five times three.
How many of you know that in the land of the busy, five minutes times three is a very long time?⌚:)

Back to the story,
While driving home I thought of the section where this blind man was healed.
Jesus didn’t leave him like he found him. ♥

Blindness.
The inability to see.

It isn’t just the eyes that can be blind, is it?
We can be blind to our own behavior,
our self-sabotaging ways,
and our flaws.

We can even be blind to a solution when we seek one.
And I was blind to a solution
For a long time.

I didn’t want to be blind,
and looked for a way to receive sight. I needed a mystery to be solved.
I wanted to fix what was broken because I was so tired of the cloud around me,
Like the cloud of dust that Pig Pen kicks up wherever he goes.

The untraceable scent that it produced – It was stubborn – and I couldn’t wash it off.
I couldn’t rinse it down the drain, like I do my make-up.
It was in my pores, and it emanated from me, the way the smell of smoke sticks to a person after they’ve been camping.

But –
God didn’t leave things that way.
He gave me sight.

The pastor was preaching, on a regular Sunday morning, and I was taking notes, when all of a sudden,
“click. click. click.”
Just like that,
Every missing piece slid into place.

I had the answer.
Mystery revealed.
Blind eyes opened.
Solution in my hands,
mixed with ink that was flowing from my pen,
taking solid form as words were spread across the page.

I wrote
quickly, furiously, hurriedly,
Capturing and preserving every word that detailed the answer to a problem that had plagued me
all
my
living
life.

And I wanted to tell the pastor what had happened in his church.

When I did, haltingly and choppily, because I cannot speak as well as I write, I detailed how long I’d searched.
He told me, “It was God’s timing.”.

He didn’t say, “Yeah, I’m anointed like that.”
He didn’t say, “I get that a lot, Alma. Wherever I go, Breakthroughs a-plenty.”
No.
He said, “Timing.”

And I stared at him, (which is what I do when several reactions occur at once).
I stare because when so many things ::can:: be said, I have to select very carefully what I choose to say,
To communicate.

I opened my mouth and said, “Oh.”.
Yeah, I am all about the brilliance.
I said,
“Oh. I thought it was because of this place.”.
And then I asked, “Why would I not find the solution to this issue for more than 40 years? Wasn’t it the anointing, here?”.

I don’t remember his exact response, so I am not going to write anything, I just know he was patient, and that, as I left, the word “Timing” continued to resonate inside of me.

Which brings me back to the original topic.

Jesus healed a blind man and “his disciples asked him, saying, Master, who did sin, this man, or his parents, that he was born blind?”.

Jesus basically told them that he was born blind for that day of his healing – because the greatness of the work of God would be shown to all through that situation.

And as I drove, I wept.
I wept and considered a child, an adolescent, a teen, a young adult, learning to live with an impediment in that era.

The son, the mother, the father, friends, family, etc…
All whose lives were touched, affected,
who supported,
who adapted to the situation,
Who gave grace.

I thought about the culture then, in which someone who was blind lived, and I wondered how they supported themselves.
Did he have a girlfriend?
Was there someone he wanted to marry?
Did they try to go to doctors to correct the blindness,
the way I went to counselors looking for my solution?

And were they just as frustrated and discouraged as I when they couldn’t find it?

And then,
What did he think when he found out he was especially chosen by God for that day, that time, at that hour?
So that God could show everybody in the world that he was real…
And Cared.

What was it like for him to know that he was chosen,
Not because God was cruel,
Heavens no.
But because God ::made him:: to be able to withstand that temporary suffering – knowing that he was going to bless him with deliverance later.
What was it like to be chosen?

The Lord is weaving a magnificent tapestry and everyone is a thread.
When it’s finished, we are going to marvel at its beauty and be glad we were involved.

Each one of us has a purpose,
A plan that God designed when he formed us in our mother’s womb.

Each one of us has a struggle that we deal with and some of those things are temporary,
but others cannot be removed unless God supernaturally intervenes.

When he does…
For he is a rewarder of those who diligently seek him,
he will do it in such a way that no human will be able to lift their hand and say that they were the one who made it happen.

When God sets a person free,
He does it in such a way but there is no doubt about who was at work in that situation.

And he does those things to show his love for all of Humanity on this planet.

No matter how Broken You Are,
No matter how low you feel,
No matter how blind you are,
I promise
The God of Heaven sees you
And He knows with what you are dealing.

There will come a day when he will remove the thing that makes you less than what you could be.

When he does –
You won’t be blind anymore.

It will be your responsibility
Not to walk forward,
But to run.

To run forward
Looking ahead,
With your two
Good
Blessed
And beautiful
Miracle-seeing eyes.

– leah ♡

Batman/Superman Review For Mommies:

Not for a young child.
I would consider very carefully before taking anyone young in the faith, sensitive by nature, or tender and vulnerable.

I don’t know what it is about Batman movies pulling the insanity card out and having actors portray unstable minds…
But they seem to have a corner on that market.

Lex is crazy.
And he does the crazy very well.
He’s literally very sick.
The problem is,
He’s bitter, hateful, and spews vileness in regards to God and Help from Above.
He makes multiple references to the superheroes as little gods,
And multiple statements about God not caring a whit about humanity.

An adult mind, strong in the faith, won’t falter.  They will recognize the twisted perspective as the reason for the dangerous threat Lex is.

A child will absorb the negativity.
Their “shields” are not as strong as ours in that regard.
The words will echo in their minds later, since they will be deposited into their memory banks.

I strongly suggest that any child under the age of 14 not go see that movie.

That is from this mother’s heart to other mother’s hearts.

But if it makes you feel better,
go and preview it on your own before deciding to take them.
It will only cost you $8 and a couple hours of your time,
and I believe that you will find the effort worth it.

From grown up to grown up I give the movie a 4.
Out of 10 stars.
There are a few slivers of goodness that can be pulled out of it, lesson wise, but I won’t be rushing to buy this one for my DVD collection,
Even if Wonder Woman showed up…
😉
#redeemingFactor

Trump vs Kelly

I stand by Fox’s M. Kelly, and I liked her questions.
The left is going to hammer those same points in campaign ads, and sound bytes of Trump saying a woman would look beautiful on her knees will play so often – we will hear them in our sleep.

Especially if he ends up running against a woman.

If Trump can’t handle any heat here on his home turf during a debate,
He sure won’t be able to handle it on the world’s stage.

He was pouty, cranky, and arrogant.
He avoided answering questions and deflected more than the House of Mirrors at a carnival!

His apparent willingness to raise his hand regarding running on a 3rd party ticket shows anyone – who cares to see – where his heart lies.
It lies in winning winning winning,
Even if it costs the conservative movement the election.

I respect his intelligence,
But it ends there.

He is not a true conservative.
He is not able to see the big picture and step down like a gentleman, (if he isn’t selected) offering his vote and support to whomever the GOP nominates.

That alone should give a person something to think about when they are deciding how to cast their vote.

Any person arrogant enough to think that they would win an election on a 3rd party ticket is too blasted prideful to run this country properly.

They will think of themselves first.

They will NOT occupy the WH with the knowledge, attitude, or heart of a privileged servant of the American people, and no man or woman can properly lead a nation unless their heart is humble.

Trump is stubborn.
A wedge of division.

And when it comes to this nation’s chances of gaining truly conservative leadership, he is dangerous.
Because he will prevent success instead of provide it.

– Leah

Defunding Planned Parenthood

Have you called your senator, yet?
I did.
Session begins at 2pm.

I told the staff member this:
“I am calling to share my point of view as a citizen. Planned Parenthood has spun out of control. I do not think they should be funded by tax dollars. If private organizations want to keep it afloat with donations, that’s one thing, but to take taxes from people who do not support them is not right.
I’m asking my senator to vote to defund PP.”

Planned Parenthood has dehumanized our most vulnerable citizens.
The developing human in a womb.

They have developed techniques to preserve organs and tissues in the unborn child while aborting their healthy development so that they can be sold to the highest bidder, WHILE they take money from women surrendering to the heinous procedure.

Do you think the child lies still during the procedure?
Do you think a child pulled out of the womb, feet first, for a partial birth abortion is lying quietly between its mothers legs?

No!
It isn’t!
It’s moving and struggling and squirming around until the doctor punctures its skull and vacuums its brain out of the opening.
😥

Women are traumatized.
They harden their hearts at first,
But the memories haunt them.

Your tax dollars at work, ladies and gentlemen.

You have a chance to say something today.

God forgive you if you blow it off.

http://www.senate.gov/general/contact_information/senators_cfm.cfm?OrderBy=state

– leah

Missing

You are a thread.
Thick, Strong, Vibrant.
And you’ve been woven into the lives of the people who surround you.
If you suddenly go missing,
You will destroy the pattern of the tapestry.
For a pattern has already been designed
And the Master Weaver sits at the loom
Making it reality.

But we have a choice.
You have a choice.

You can exit.
But not without destroying the miracle. 
The Miracle of lives woven together
To create something Lovely. 

The absence will be Noted. 
The woven object altered.

It will still function,
It will even retain beauty
But it won’t be the same.
The missing piece will show
More noticeably in its absence,

Because it Isn’t where it belongs. 

– Leah

When You Should Be Giving…

…and it occurred to me today, as I pondered life and its many blessings, that there are individuals who are more engaged in the act of self-protection than they are in the act of pouring out on others.

Being wise with your heart is not wrong.
You only have one.
It is your responsibility to care for it;
However,
You may not place imagined or possible risks in the “guaranteed” category.
There are no guarantees.
Success is not guaranteed.
But neither is defeat.

Think positive thoughts, dear heart.

Risk is on the map for the person searching for a long lasting, “only death will take me from you”  relationship.
There is no avoiding it.
It is scary, but arriving at your destination will be sweeter for the price you paid.

As you live your daily days, keep in mind this truth,

You will never be in a fulfilling relationship
If you spend most of your time
Protecting your own heart
When you should be giving it.

leah
image

No Man Gets To Break You

I received communication today full of accusations regarding my divorce.

The accusations stated blatantly that I did not care about my children. They accused me of not putting them first when my marriage was in dire straits.
Of course the accusations were from a soul whose mind bore a one-sided perspective.

I cared about my children.
Of course I cared.
The main reason I stayed in the twenty-one year situation was for their sake.
Every storm weathered, every desire denied, every tearful night endured, every sacrifice made, every price paid was for my children.

Until my soul was almost shattered beyond repair like the windshield that bore the brunt of his most recent outburst of anger.

I lived in fear.
I lived alone.
I had no mate.
I had a master.

Like the woman in an airplane who puts the oxygen mask over her mouth before helping others, I did what I needed to do to stay alive so that my children would have a healthy mother.
I didn’t want them visiting me in a hospital unit.
I didn’t want them visiting me in a long-term mental health facility.
I didn’t want them laying flowers near a headstone with my name on it.

Yes.
I left.

I offered a six-month plan,
One that preserved sanity and postponed a permanent divorce situation.
The plan was rejected three times in one evening.
The door was closed.

Ladies who endure domestic violence for the sake of your children, this is what I learned:

You are building a glass house for your family.
When it breaks, everyone will bleed.
If you are fortunate, you will be able to prevent them from bleeding to death.
But the scars will show.

Your “mate” may never embrace the blame for wounding those who were in his charge.
He may play the victim whose spouse left him.
He could point a finger and accuse, “You didn’t love them, me, us, enough to stay.”.
Even if he does admit at least half of the blame, it is quite likely that you will be accused of not forgiving him.
It will not matter how many times you’ve forgiven him before.
If this occurs you must make yourself deaf to it and this is why:
Because no man gets to break you and then blame you for being broken.

No man gets to break you and then blame you for wounding your progeny when you leave to preserve your sanity.

No man gets to break you and then act like he is the victim.

Do you hear me?

No man gets to break you.

Look at your children and ask yourself,
What are they seeing?
What are they hearing?
What are they learning?

If you love your children, you will not subject them to negative images that will never leave their memories.
If you love your children you will remove them from the environment if it drains life from a soul.
Look in the mirror and ask yourself if you would allow your child’s mate to treat them as you are currently being treated.
Answer all of these questions honestly, and then do what is right for your family.

You do not want to live in a house made of glass.

You can clean up the mess when it shatters,
But you will always see the scars.
And try as you might,
You will not be able to remove every bloodstain.

-leah

Weakness? Or Strength?

Surrendering.
Needing.
Succumbing.

It appears from time to time, in observing behavior patterns,
that some men think doing those things makes them weak.

To acknowledge that they need their woman,
To yield, or fall under that spell of hers,
Is to be “whipped” – they say.

But I’m not talking about a man being beaten down and ordered around.

I’m talking about a man acknowledging his legitimate need to be loved and surrendering that part of himself to his wife, allowing her to meet that need in him.

Is it possible that a man who senses that helplessness – his need for her – and surrenders his heart, is weak?
I don’t think so.

Adam needed Eve very much.
He didn’t say he needed her.
God did.

It is possible that the man who knows his underbelly is showing, will – in his weakness – grasp at control wildly, robbing his wife of her right, her privilege, to see the vulnerability she knows exists in him and depriving her of the opportunity to fill it, thus preventing them both from experiencing deep intimacy.

It is also possible that a different man, who experiences that scary scenario, could allow that sensation of the plummeting free-fall to run its course, and expose his basic need to his mate,  allowing her to quench that thirst with her gifts of nurturing consolation.

That is not a weak man.

He is stronger than most, for he braved rejection by revealing his naked soul to his mate, who – if she had any kind of sense – rewarded him with acceptance and affection.

The wise woman will fill her lover’s cup and do it in such a way that he would never felt emasculated.

She will reward his transparency with the greatest gift he could ask for;
her own vulnerability and her self.

For a woman needs to be needed.
And her fulfillment in being close enough to pour into him will cause so great a joy within her, that it will be her good pleasure to give his self-worth and pride the much needed boost/s he desires.

The weaker man hides himself from his wife.
The stronger man reveals.
The foolish woman scoffs at her mate.
But the wise woman gives life in word and deed.

God bless the union which is intimate in body, spirit, and soul.

They took the risks and are blessed to live out their daily  reward.

– Leah