A Wild Vine

​Since my divorce I am not what I was.

In some ways I am better.


I didn’t know I could do some of the things I now do.

That was a nice discovery,

Even though it was reminiscent of being thrown into a lake and being told to swim,

Before learning to swim.


I argue less.

That is a good thing.

Sometimes it is because I don’t have the strength.

Other times, it is because I love a person too much to argue over something that doesn’t really matter when one looks at the big picture.


We have a mouth. 

It can bless or curse.

Why choose the ugly thing? ♡


I don’t date.

I tried, but it was like giving someone a puzzle with half of the pieces missing.

That wasn’t fair to them.

I’ll try again, when it is time.


And I felt like Hagar among my Christian friends.  

Outsider. 

Foreign. 

“Not like us.”


Sometimes I got a vibe from some that communicated, “Hey, we’re putting up with our imperfect situations. What gives you the right to be a quitter?”

Sometimes I didn’t get any vibe at all because I had lost contact completely.


Other times, friends with the attitude of the Good Samaritan took the time to pour in the oil and the wine.

For them, for the grace, I am thankful.


I struggled with my walk with God.

That was the worst.

He had Saved me, Changed me, Rescued me.

And I felt like I disappointed him, so.


I didn’t stop talking to him, it just felt like a long-distance phone call instead of the more familiar, “here right now”. 

But the distance has been removed. 


Like the prodigal son, who no doubt needed a bath, who saw his father waiting,

God gave me a glimpse of his own open arms….  And heart.


I told my minister that I felt like a wild vine.  And that God made it clear that I was still his.

Vine? Yes.

Wild? A little.

But in His Garden, even so.


Nothing like the other plants,

But His.

Chosen. 

For a purpose.

To bear fruit. 


Each of us has been called.

Who will say “yes” to the patient husbandman,

And yield? 


That is a big question. 

Only you know the answer.

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