Since my divorce I am not what I was.
In some ways I am better.
I didn’t know I could do some of the things I now do.
That was a nice discovery,
Even though it was reminiscent of being thrown into a lake and being told to swim,
Before learning to swim.
I argue less.
That is a good thing.
Sometimes it is because I don’t have the strength.
Other times, it is because I love a person too much to argue over something that doesn’t really matter when one looks at the big picture.
We have a mouth.
It can bless or curse.
Why choose the ugly thing? ♡
I don’t date.
I tried, but it was like giving someone a puzzle with half of the pieces missing.
That wasn’t fair to them.
I’ll try again, when it is time.
And I felt like Hagar among my Christian friends.
Outsider.
Foreign.
“Not like us.”
Sometimes I got a vibe from some that communicated, “Hey, we’re putting up with our imperfect situations. What gives you the right to be a quitter?”
Sometimes I didn’t get any vibe at all because I had lost contact completely.
Other times, friends with the attitude of the Good Samaritan took the time to pour in the oil and the wine.
For them, for the grace, I am thankful.
I struggled with my walk with God.
That was the worst.
He had Saved me, Changed me, Rescued me.
And I felt like I disappointed him, so.
I didn’t stop talking to him, it just felt like a long-distance phone call instead of the more familiar, “here right now”.
But the distance has been removed.
Like the prodigal son, who no doubt needed a bath, who saw his father waiting,
God gave me a glimpse of his own open arms…. And heart.
I told my minister that I felt like a wild vine. And that God made it clear that I was still his.
Vine? Yes.
Wild? A little.
But in His Garden, even so.
Nothing like the other plants,
But His.
Chosen.
For a purpose.
To bear fruit.
Each of us has been called.
Who will say “yes” to the patient husbandman,
And yield?
That is a big question.
Only you know the answer.♡
...Just Thoughts... 