No Man Gets To Break You

I received communication today full of accusations regarding my divorce.

The accusations stated blatantly that I did not care about my children. They accused me of not putting them first when my marriage was in dire straits.
Of course the accusations were from a soul whose mind bore a one-sided perspective.

I cared about my children.
Of course I cared.
The main reason I stayed in the twenty-one year situation was for their sake.
Every storm weathered, every desire denied, every tearful night endured, every sacrifice made, every price paid was for my children.

Until my soul was almost shattered beyond repair like the windshield that bore the brunt of his most recent outburst of anger.

I lived in fear.
I lived alone.
I had no mate.
I had a master.

Like the woman in an airplane who puts the oxygen mask over her mouth before helping others, I did what I needed to do to stay alive so that my children would have a healthy mother.
I didn’t want them visiting me in a hospital unit.
I didn’t want them visiting me in a long-term mental health facility.
I didn’t want them laying flowers near a headstone with my name on it.

Yes.
I left.

I offered a six-month plan,
One that preserved sanity and postponed a permanent divorce situation.
The plan was rejected three times in one evening.
The door was closed.

Ladies who endure domestic violence for the sake of your children, this is what I learned:

You are building a glass house for your family.
When it breaks, everyone will bleed.
If you are fortunate, you will be able to prevent them from bleeding to death.
But the scars will show.

Your “mate” may never embrace the blame for wounding those who were in his charge.
He may play the victim whose spouse left him.
He could point a finger and accuse, “You didn’t love them, me, us, enough to stay.”.
Even if he does admit at least half of the blame, it is quite likely that you will be accused of not forgiving him.
It will not matter how many times you’ve forgiven him before.
If this occurs you must make yourself deaf to it and this is why:
Because no man gets to break you and then blame you for being broken.

No man gets to break you and then blame you for wounding your progeny when you leave to preserve your sanity.

No man gets to break you and then act like he is the victim.

Do you hear me?

No man gets to break you.

Look at your children and ask yourself,
What are they seeing?
What are they hearing?
What are they learning?

If you love your children, you will not subject them to negative images that will never leave their memories.
If you love your children you will remove them from the environment if it drains life from a soul.
Look in the mirror and ask yourself if you would allow your child’s mate to treat them as you are currently being treated.
Answer all of these questions honestly, and then do what is right for your family.

You do not want to live in a house made of glass.

You can clean up the mess when it shatters,
But you will always see the scars.
And try as you might,
You will not be able to remove every bloodstain.

-leah

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10 thoughts on “No Man Gets To Break You

  1. mariewilliams53 April 4, 2015 / 10:14 am

    My mother stayed with a man who abused her (and us) for 36 years. 36 YEARS!!! 36 years = a lifetime of damage. I don’t know why she couldn’t leave. Fear perhaps? But I think you are very brave to have escaped while you could. And yes the “bloodstains” remain, they cannot all be removed. Domestic violence is like a cancer which if allowed to spread, only kills. Catch it early!!

      • mariewilliams53 April 4, 2015 / 1:31 pm

        Thank you! There is a lot of suffering in this world, but compassionate souls like yourself ease the pain.

        • Leah's Heart April 5, 2015 / 11:34 am

          And each day, we take our lives back.
          Ensuring a happy future by laying the groundwork for tomorrow, right now.
          🙂

    • Leah's Heart April 4, 2015 / 11:40 am

      Marie,
      I did stay for 20 years. 😦
      And my sons are still angry that I left.
      They don’t understand.
      I think they will when theyre older.

      • mariewilliams53 April 4, 2015 / 1:26 pm

        Leah, you did the right thing for you and your sons. Only God knows and understands why your sons are still angry about your decision. Twenty years is way too long to live in a painful place. Love is kind, it is not painful and that is every human being’s right.

  2. Debra Mcdaniel March 18, 2015 / 4:31 pm

    I so understand where you are coming from..I left all my belongings my good job put Isaiah in the truck and moved thousands of miles back to the state I had family in and started my life over..Just very grateful I did it before I broke into a million pieces. ❤

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