A Regard For Me

I looked at it before Christmas.
It was 50$.
That’s a lot to pay for a piece of glass.
Glass, Crystal, Cubic Zirconia, whatever it is…

I didn’t get it.

Yesterday I went to the store to purchase socks.
Practical things.
I meander past the jewelry counter and there it is in the discounted section. Less than 20$, now.
Why is something so beautiful still here?
How did no one get it for a Christmas gift?

I try it on.
And it looks so perfect; but so flashy, and I typically aim for simplicity.
Where would I wear it?
– Everywhere – says the lady at the counter.
I give it back to the lady and go get my socks.

On the way out, I look toward the jewelry department.
I want the ridiculous thing.
I wanted it before Christmas.
I want it now.
Why am I denying myself?
Certainly not the price.

I know why.
It’s ::too:: pretty.
For me.

The little ghosts of my youth whisper those lies.
But I know the truth. ♡
If a lover gave me that ring I’d wear it so fast people’s heads would spin, and I’d wear it proudly, as a symbol of his regard for me.
Why am I leaving without it?
Don’t I have any regard for myself?
Why, yes.
Yes I do.
I turn and make my way back to the counter, and the woman who has looked up to see me walking towards her, smiles.

It may be the best 17$ I ever spent.


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